Well Wishing

Thank you to everyone for all the messages and well wishing! Reading them all makes me feel very supported, thanks tons.

I've written lots in the last few weeks, but nothing blog-sensical. Navigating a massive life-change has been/is such an emotional/psychological workout. Several times I felt elation and terror within a 5-minute stretch. Too swift and revolutionary to be to be called mood-swings, they were more like mood 'spins'.

Ben's company has been a part of my everyday for years, especially the last two or three. It's strange to let go of the companionship and support of someone whose focus and resilience teaches you just being nearby. Sometimes, in the last few weeks, it's felt like I was having open-heart surgery while I walked around, while I played shows, while I sat in the van. Disengaging, reflecting, repairing - this upheaval means removing some old things, growing some new things, and getting ready for what feels like my biggest and most challenging task so far.

So many things Ben and I have been through! Adventures both mundane and miraculous. Really ordinary things, like hundreds of meals, flights, shows, and hours and hours in vans. And other super-extraordinary things - too out there to even go into here. Even more amazing is how normal the extraordinary became in the last few years.

Plenty of times I thought, how did I get so lucky that I get to hang out with and listen to this grand human, and witness up-close such an amazing thinker, that I get to hear all the dreams and plans of an extremely devoted and hard-working manifester.
And other times that I've felt like it was some kind of punishment to co-exist so closely with such a fast mover. I'd compare my own inability to make things happen, to make changes in myself for the better, etc, etc, and get wound up and upset. There is no one else that I have learned so much from directly and indirectly as from dear Ben.

In various ways Ben's told his audience the things I do for him, and it seems like Im some sort of gracious martyr angel, but Ben has been really very patient with me and given me lots of room for cycles of exploration and stumbling and strength.

The eight years that I've been blessed with these opportunities is held as my favourite times and my very steepest learning curves. Not to mention almost daily teary soundless hysterical laughter at things seemingly only funny to he and I. Ben's been not just my boss, but my teacher, my brother, a generous friend, a sweet companion, and he's shown me more than anyone else how to see goodness in everyone and the lessons in everything.

So much love to you Ben Lee.